Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
