I hate all girls vehemently.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
