He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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