Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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