so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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