I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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