Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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