There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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