As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
