well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
