he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
