HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
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Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize