I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We are all done wearing pants today
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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