I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
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