I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
