Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
