My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
