At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
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