I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
