I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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