FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
