Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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