i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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