I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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