If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
