Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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