Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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