What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I will be naked everywhere
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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