You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
