oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
