Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
