you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Randomize
