All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
