I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Randomize
