We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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