If i come over, it means nothing
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
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You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
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also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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