Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
