its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
