haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
