apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
