Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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