You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So much Jack, so little girl.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
