Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
