How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
