Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
