Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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