Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
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