I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
