Soap is not a condiment
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
