All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
