spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
