Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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