finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
