I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Randomize
