The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
