Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I still have a little drunk in my system
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
