My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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