Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
