i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
