The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
