i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
