the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
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she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
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Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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