She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Randomize
