insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
