We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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