Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
