the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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