So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
