Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
