We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
