unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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