Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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