we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
