I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
