I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Terrible idea I love it
All the doctor said was why
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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