My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
