My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
