we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
