the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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