The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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