Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
